Best Tweets: October 2011

New Zealand had an epic month – for some good, and some not-so-good reasons. Here are your AWESOME October tweets!

Oh, internet!
kev_nz I love how the internet makes everybody an expert on everything.
Tarquin_Death Blog comment: “I’ve read better articles in youtube comments.” Pretty sure this means I’ve made it!
Nightwyrm Seeing as New Zealand is a sheep nation, we should really refer to our Twitter posts as “bleats”.
TophHooperton Ohgod. Drunk replied to people at 2am on the work social media accounts. It doesn’t look too bad, though I did call someone ‘honey’.

Some people are rad
lindseyoutloud I love random deliciousness from strangers. Called a wrong number today and said sorry. ‘Don’t be sorry,’ said whoever it was. ‘Be happy.’

We may have a tiny issue with alcohol
TrendsAuckland ‘hangover’ is now trending in Auckland
LachlanForsyth This morning in the Newsroom I’ve found a crutch, a sleeping bag, 5 metres of bubblewrap & a metal detector. Things must have got craaa-zy…

The Rena
RachelRayner Who’s in charge of cleaning up the birds after Rena? DO THEY NEED TINY PENGUIN VESTS? I AM READY TO STEP UP.
chowda_head Now I know where that garbage scow from Kevin Costners’ Waterworld ended up. Repainted and renamed Rena

That RWC thing is done and dusted…
AliIkram Let’s face it 10k is getting off lightly for advancing on a Haka considering what punishment would have been pre 1840
MattTaylor Passed a house with five All Blacks flags on the fence. Not impressed, needs more.
madeleinesami It’s like The Lion King… but with a gold cup instead of Simba
MurrayWills I think one of the French Coaches might be wearing a fake mustache
annagconnell OMG Graham Henry’s face went from this >:-( to this I:-I
DanielRutledge K Road is already getting busy ahead of the RWC2011 final. There were only two piles of vomit and one blood splatter near Supper Club too!
OliGarside Quote from my sister: There’s too many Cocks in this game. Woodcock, Pocock, Quade Cooper…
allstarangel Slade off with a FUCKING sore GROIN?!?! What are these boys doing at night?!?!
oneorangemonkey ‘Oh my balls hurt, I can’t play games anymore’. Well at least he has a backup career as a heat pump.
meghanmutrie Ordered a takeaway All Black by accident instead of a long black. That’s twice now.
KaseBeats at least Mike Tindall had a good holiday.

(and a serious one!)
VickyRF Husband watching live, Dad watching in China, Grandad & Uncle watching in England, & Grandpa watching in USA. International family is united

… And now the election looms
mitchyyyyy I’ve decided to start a young wing of NZ First. Open to anyone between 15 and 65. Let me know if you’re keen.
CherylBernstein I feel least inclined to vote in this election of any, ever. Pity that No Confidence isn’t an option, like in student politics.
VegasNZ Winston Peters is back in Tauranga. That’s two old wrecks the town has to worry about
AndreAlessi “Building a Better Future”: Did the National Party really not see the problem with adopting the motto of every evil movie corporation ever?

On being healthy with food
Holliejsmith Eating pineapple lumps for lunch is considered 1 of my ‘5 a day’s’ right?
HungryandFrozen I’ve got a bowl of leftover cream cheese icing. Dairy knowledge-keepers, can I freeze it? Already explored the “try eating it all” option

I are awesome!
paudecanela_nz Went to PB Tech to get new monitor and asked the guy for “one of those USB thingies”. Good thing he doesn’t know I’m an IT journo
melhomer Went for a run. Wondered why everyone was looking at me strangely. Now realise I still have the fake blood on my neck from last nights party.
Nightwyrm Can’t wait for my bonus to come through in a month. I think I only have one pair of undies that doesn’t have holes.
rgoodchild arrrgh. just ended a really important business call with “thanks babe”
benjamintelfer I found my phone! Which I previously thought lost during the weekends celebrations. But no, was in the back of my wardrobe. WTF drunk Ben?!
nzmovieguy I wouldn’t have thought I was gay enough to spend 45 minutes picking the right neck tie for dinner, yet here I find myself.
lmfbs That awkward moment in the library when lube falls out of your bag
PaMelville Do not stab yourself accidently in the face with sharp scisssors. It bleeds A LOT

Confusion
WayneHatesFruit Home and Away reminds me of Jurassic Park, but without the dinosaurs.
JaredNeilsen To the woman reading erotic fiction on the bus at 7.30 this morning…. Why?
bentorkington Followed by the @tokyo_gayfinder. Couple of small issues with that.
beautygoss I hope foreigners aren’t watching Police Ten 7 and Motorway Patrol or they will think we are a country of absolute muppets
chrisphilpottnz Is it bad if you find yourself attracted to a zombie? … I’m asking for a friend

Life, eh?
spudmasher Someday you’ll be a beautiful swan. Just not today. Or any time soon.
tamati_coffey went to see The Help today with my boy. Heart wrenching and deep and sad and all that, but gotta say, makes me want a maid.
Dane_McLean Would be keen to watch “this is your life” if it was a judgemental version that surprised failures live on TV and asked ‘THIS is your life?‘
DanielRutledge I think I’m going to edit some of my favourite dolphin footage to some of my favourite trance tracks and then watch it heaps
rohanadarkar you know something is wrong with society when daily deal sites start offering discount vouchers to strip clubs.
tanya Just got asked for ID to buy a bowl of fries.
jessbovey I refuse to go bungee jumping, I came into this world because of a broken rubber. I will NOT leave the same way!
juliewarm You can pretty much guarantee that when someone says “I am not meaning to be rude” that they are in fact meaning to be rude.
jgourley Watching a spider being milked on TV. I need a life.
TophHooperton I’M NOT EVEN JOKING A CAT WITH A PINK NECKERCHIEF HAS JUST COME INTO OUR HOUSE.
jamespjbutler First prize in my kids’ school raffle is a 1996 Toyota Levin (with mags!). Don’t know whether to laugh or cry.
NatalieBenning Just seen 5 women power walking along ponsonby rd with, 2 walking poles each. You’re going to get chai lattes ladies, not climb Everest.
manikpixi Decided in Warehouse Stationery office stamps would be better with “motherfucker”: FAXED MOTHERFUCKER; YOUR A/C IS OVERDUE MOTHERFUCKER.
sbuxRYRY I can’t help but notice that a lot of the warriors fans are missing teeth…

I may regret putting these on my website… but VAGISIL
_AnnyMa Vagisil… because you’re funky. And not in a good way.
LadyInDread I know I always associate vaginal odour (whatever that means) with spagetti bolognese and a glass of wine.
WendyWings you haven’t lived until your child has asked you “who is going to be smelling it anyway”

Parents gone feral
pinkdeedle Mum: your tits look like a national geographic cover. Put a bra on for fucks sake.
NZGeekGirl Days like today you can understand what makes some species eat their young.

Kids: Some people really like them!
not_friends I love how infectious the pure joy of children is. Spent two hours with my little ladies today, been full of undentable happiness ever since
paulbrislen Every morning as they go to school I tell my kids “Come home with a full brain” and they shout back “And an empty lunchbox”. Bliss
BexieLady miss 2 brought me breakfast in bed – a bottle of wine. She loves me.

So those are your tweets of the month! I’m going to start working on the NZ Social Media honours list soon, so keep an eye out when I ask for your votes!