Cate Owen

April 1, 2012April 1, 2012

Best Tweets: March 2012

March was the month of the Marmite crisis, some road rules changed, and a Kiwi in London almost got arrested for being in love with his own biceps. Confused? Don’t be: Here are March’s best tweets!

Truth

@SpeelyFreaking ‘Lefty loosey, righty tighty’ also works for political leanings.
@xx_MCP Always take a fifty to the movies! Just in case you feel like snacks as well
@AdageBusiness you know you’re getting older when you attend more funerals in a year than birthdays

Traffic rule change

@robtreacher Starting Sunday, Kiwi motorists will be giving the finger to other turning traffic with the left hand and not the right.
@not_friends General rule: just think less than you currently do at intersections, and you’ll get it right.

Passive-aggressive texts

@_sarahdee Txt from temp flatty 2 other flatmate last night “don’t worry about the noise you are making, I’m going to take sleeping pill”.

Stay classy, New Zealand.

@aivanson Just seen the weirdest thing … Woman driving with beehive in back of SUV. Bees everywhere….
@AaronM_NZ Guy at fish and chip shop just asked for one potato fritter. “Oh and can I get $4 cash out?” Go west Auckland!
@BexieLady #pregnantoversharer told her mother which night she will be babysitting her yet to be born son so she can do an ‘all nighter’ & get wasted.
@Kiwi_Chatter They say “Marijuana and three prescription drugs in her system” like it’s a bad thing.
@jessepeach Taught my parents to use Skype tonight. Then my dad tried to squeeze a pimple on my mother’s face. I really don’t think they get it.
@pikelet Watching my flat mate use a pot as an iron. We’re trag.
@Covlin Awkward that I’ve just had to explain to a guy in his 70s how to access internet porn.
@callumprobable That awkward moment when you see a former work colleague ‘chatting up’ a hooker
@sithompson Overheard from teen girl at cafe in Takapuna: “No, I don’t feel anything for him anymore, but I am crushing on my OTHER cousin hard out.”

Twitter-based badasses

@Tarquin_Death Taking Codral “Day & Night” Night tablets… IN THE MORNING. Living on the edge today, people
@NinjaLikesCheez Just shouted ‘look at these guns!’ (meaning my massive biceps) forgetting in on a bus… In London…
@kebabette What’s the medical term for carpet burns on your cheeks?
@egesther Eating outta the pot. One of those nights.
@UseablePizza What happens if you put a stick in a non-stick pan?
@liltoastfairy yes I am tweeting from the shower

The next generation of Kiwis

@melhomer Just walked in on my 5 yr old wrapping his willy in cellotape. Now that’s going to end badly….
@manikpixi 12YO Son: I can’t go to school today. Me: Why not? 12YO: I’ve got Disco Fever. *dances* Me: Fair enough.
@Harfish Can’t find wooden H to complete baby’s name. May have to rename him Oxcixufum

Just encouraging the nation

@itcomeswithatoy Giving everyone on Trade Me ‘You is smart, you is kind, you is important’ reviews.
@_AnnyMa Ahahahahahaha International Women’s Day and Supre are both trending in NZ. Ahahahahahahahaha

Marmite-themed tweets

@evilkud As long as Hamilton exists their will never really be a lack of yeasty spreads in NZ
@DrBrash In 55 minutes I will be in Aotea Square, naked, covered in Marmite, Come rub your toast on me.

The exes

@pinkdeedle My ex just came over to get his clothes & I said THEY’RE IN RHE BLACK BAG & he’s gone home & I’ve realized he’s taken the rubbish bag.
@amiewee Ex wife asked me to change the background of her passport photo. So I did. Along with the shape of her eyes, chin and nose. Muwahaha.

I did a random draw this month, and @not_friends got pulled out of the hat* and is our Tweeter of the Month! Congrats, and make sure you’re following @OldMoutCider so they can send you a case of deliciousness 🙂

*may not have been an actual hat

March 27, 2012March 27, 2012

How to create page tabs in Facebook Timeline

Facebook have changed the way you load apps into your Facebook pages, and I spent a long time trying to figure out how to get tabs to display in Timeline.

Thanks to Nick McCabe, now I know. And it’s only fair you know, too.

Create the webpage to be iframed the same way you always would – except now you can go as wide as 810px. Don’t forget you need https!
Create the app the same as you normally would, except selecting the most appropriate tab width (narrow, 520px and wide, 810px).

Now for the bit no one tells you about:

Go to https://www.facebook.com/dialog/pagetab?app_id=APPID&next=URL where APPID is your app id and URL is the url you’re framing in. Then add it to your page.

So simple. But so annoying.

An “add to my page” button would be so much better.

March 25, 2012November 21, 2012

5 major mistakes brands make on Facebook

Facebook pages. So easy, anyone could do it, right?

Yes. But here’s the rub: There’s actually best practise for pages, and it seems like a lot of people don’t think about them. It’s as if the humans behind the business stop thinking like a Facebook user, and start thinking like a broadcaster.

Here’s five common mistakes people make on brand’s Facebook (and Twitter) pages.

They don’t write like a human

It’s okay for a brand to call someone “mate” online. It’s fine to start a post by saying “hey guys”. It builds rapport, reminds users that they’re talking to a human, not just a brand. It gives people the warm fuzzies, and does not look out of place in a social forum.

There’s a special place in my heart for brands who insist their name must be in capitals, all the time. On the internettywebs, that’s shouting. I get the branding thing – you know I do – but I once lost a disagreement with a client whose name was long, in capitals, and had a trademark on the end. They insisted the post contain their brand. Twice. And wouldn’t listen to reason. So I posted the status, and users called the brand out.

Because the WRITTEN FOR HUMANS®™ post didn’t look WRITTEN FOR HUMANS®™ at all.

Which ties into my next point:

They think in broadcast, not conversation

On behalf of the People of the Internet: Please stop telling us what to think. Help us experience your product or service for ourselves.

Page managers sometimes don’t seem to be aware that the internet is an amazing place where you can experience things not available to traditional broadcast. Ignoring the interactive part of social media just leaves you with media.

Which is fine, except then you’re missing 80% of the point of being on social media.

I know it can be difficult to get your head around, and thinking up interactive posts can be hard. It also feels a bit risky to step outside the “broadcast” box – it means things can (and will) go wrong.

It’s still worth it.

They repeat posts that didn’t work the first time

Again… Broadcast mentality. Repetition is fine in traditional outlets, but it’s a different story on social. If your audience didn’t engage with the post first time around, why would you keep hitting them over the head with it?

Adjust. Learn. Grow. And remember, if you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always have what you’ve always had.

They delete negative feedback

I know why this happens. It freaks brand people out to see something slamming the brand on the official page, so they get delete-happy. We can all think of examples of this…

Yes, a few unhappy punters can ruin the experience for others. Yes, you have to take feedback in context. But there are other ways of dealing with unhappy users, rather than deleting their message. You wouldn’t hang the phone up on them, right? So why delete their post?

How is this for a suggestion: Actually listen to the feedback.

Yeah, I went there. Stop being shit. And if you can’t stop it, minimise it. Adapt. Adjust. Revise. It’s like someone saying “I don’t like chocolate ice cream” and the brand saying “LAHLAHLAH, I can’t hear you!” and then doing a post about how great chocolate ice cream is.

Your fans offer you a gift when they give you honest feedback. Don’t slam the door in their face.

They measure themselves with the wrong yardstick

What’s actually important to your social media strategy? What’s your end goal? Do you want hits to your site? Brand awareness? Sell lots of product? Get your message out?

Long story short: It’s not all about follower or fan numbers.

What do you think are some of the main mistakes brands make on Facebook and other social media outlets?

March 13, 2012March 13, 2012

Facebook’s tips for a strong social media strategy

Facebook have recently released revised best practice documents.

It gives us a glimpse into how they see the social space, as well as some good tips for both Facebook and general social media strategy.

Ranging from tips to organisational structure to audience participation, Facebook have offered what they believe is the best way to manage social.

Ownership

Assign clear ownership. Have one person oversee all social activity. This person is a social media champion for the wider organisation, and works across many teams including marketing and digital .

A single team should own social. They operate with a “daily editorial calendar”, are responsible for engaging content and gleaning insights. They co-ordinate requests from other teams (PR, Legal, ecommerce etc) for space on the page.

Collaboration

This is about working with an agency to get the most out of your wider media strategy. Facebook see the agency as running the campaign and alerting the social team as to spend. The agency must be focused on “reinforcing Facebook content with marketing messages in other channels, both online and offline”. (This is a mark against solely social agencies – interesting move, Facebook)

Creative

A creative team can be used for participatory campaigns (apps) and must be across insights and ad manager to see what content is working. They must be fuelled by “what is inherently social about the brand” and focus on virality.

Facebook then go on to offer advice about making successful posts:

Be succinct. Posts less than three lines of text see about 60% more engagement.
Post at least five times a week.
Post at the optimal time for your page.
Know your audience. Use insider language.
Be seasonal. Fans are more likely to engage with content that is already top of their mind such as current events and holidays.
Post photos and videos. Albums generate 180% more engagement, photos 120% and videos 100% more engagement than regular posts.
Use simple, bold visuals.
Speak using your brand’s voice.
Position your brand as a hero or problem solver.
Give fans exclusive content, offers, competitions, events.
Create a question or a fill-in-the-blank post.
Include your call to action early – in the first 90 characters.
Share posts from fans.

So that’s Facebook’s best practice – some of it only applicable to larger brands and those engaged with media agencies, but still some good nuggets in there.

March 1, 2012March 4, 2012

Best Tweets: February 2012

February. The month that had an extra day, there was Valentines, and my friend had a baby. Cats are awsome and so are owls. Here are your Kiwi Tweets of the Month…

Twitter people be herp derp
@guywilliamsguy I can’t believe borders went bust! I used to spend ages there reading magazines and never buying anything.
@DanielRutledge While taking a break from writing up my Mass Effect 3 interview I won a sweet pot in online poker just as a sweet new trance track climaxed.
@NZGeekGirl Hope the husband doesn’t look too close at the TM account, otherwise I’ll have to explain about the trilby, fish tank and rabbit.
@amiewee I photographed a lot of genitals this weekend
@BexieLady House smells like chocolate and mint butter cookies. Lessens the rage.
@pinkdeedle May or may not have used a Libra Maxi Pad with wings to stop headboard wrecking wallpaper last night.
@kittenypentland Just received notification of a conference on philosophy of self deception. Thought I might like to go but then realized, who am I kidding?
@joegeeknz My fly has broken and now the front of my pants look like a very large vagina.
@Steff_NZ Swollen knee for no apparent reason. Advice? Amputate?
@RyanSproull Anybody else look at old rack torture devices and sort of think about how good it would be for clicking your back?
@lmfbs Is a DIY brazilian a terrible idea, or simply a bad idea?
@thisfog So. Single again. Lock up your cats.
@CasualLex Chinese lantern festival? Meh. Give me a bottle of tequilla and I’ll light up big time. You won’t even need to fight the crowds.

Other people be herp derp
@ChrisKeall Overheard in the newsroom: “The reasons for the suppression are suppressed.”
@allstarangel Dad: what do you call those horses that race? Me: Racehorses? Dad: Yeah that’s it.
@evilkud My brother is telling me about how last night he ate a kilo of butter inbetween 2 slices of bread last night… Godddaaaammmm
@davidfarrier girls trampling each other over reece mastin: you do realise there are boys at your school who are hotter/kinder/better than him, right?
@thejuicery There’s white guilt, and then there’s just-read-Paul-Holmes’-Waitangi-Day-diatribe white guilt.
@TophHooperton Reason why my birthday card from mum didn’t arrive: she addressed it to ’26 Grey Lynn, New Zealand’. Was returned to sender.
@Naly_D My looking at shirtless Ryan Gosling photos was work-related. It wasn’t for the male colleague who stood behind me sucking on a nectartine
@AshleyCnz Zion Wildlife Park should be renamed WhenGoodFamiliesGoBadsville

People of the Internet
@juhasaarinen Some very strange people in my timeline.
@markleggett If you argue with someone on the internet long enough, they’ll eventually make a typo and you’ll win.
@unstatusfactory Please don’t stop tweeting just because you’re having sex.
@amandajaneNZ I love twitter because I can come on and read about the cricket then talk to a guy I like about it as if I had watched the whole thing.
@LachlanForsyth Web comment accusation of conservative bias. Email accusation of liberal bias on same story. This MSM conspiracy stuff is all so confusing.

We got upset about pants
@ryansallanThis lady needs to know, control tights are NOT pants. Bitch, I can see your vagina!
@WriteOnNZ Jeggings/up the duff combo. Noice.
@Robbo_Junior Just saw the most gorgeous, well presented woman walking past. I was jealous until I realised she had bird shit on her pants.

We got upset about politics
@geekboy73 Anyone know if Trevor Mallard has some Radiohead tickets for sale?
@Covlin One thing is for sure: Paula Bennett certainly doesn’t have any friends with benefits.
@jonocabron Does Gerry Brownlee realise you can’t eat roads?

Life hacks
@NanaJ9 I zoom in on photos of people wearing sunglasses. So that I might see something sinister in the reflection.
@bobsyauncle MrsBob: “What’s ‘motorboating’?”. Me: “Pause the video…”

Valentine’s Day
@ErinNoName I was just given a bottle of codeine and a box of tramadol. That’s a valentines day gift, right?
@AliIkram When I hear the Rihanna song “We found Love in a Hopeless Place” it reminds me of meeting my future wife at TVNZ.
@GondwanaHeels I like that my phone didn’t have the word Valentines in predictive so it tried to say happy palenstine day instead

Children are always a feature
@amandagTV3 Nephew has started school. 1st question to young pretty teacher “do you have a boyfriend” then “when is the lunch break”. priorities sorted.
@rosiecd Woken up by Mr 2 combing my hair and arranging Tampons on the nightstand

Things we Do Not Want
@Sidawg2 Imagine having to live with the Harvey Norman voiceover guy.
@TophHooperton Finally got on a bus after 4 went past full, but this driver seems intent on sending me sailing through the windscreen. Tell my fam-
@ChelleNZ Must be looking a bit butch today. Got called ‘young man’ just now at the supermarket. Now eating lamington fairy cakes, plural.
@stevebiddle Here I was thinking Godfrey’s weren’t having a sale this weekend. Then the guy screamed at me on the TV telling me they do have a sale on.
@honorarykiwi That awkward moment when you realise your baby brother is subscribed to (and comments on) a bunch of porn stars on Facebook.
@Stitchpunk “you’ve got a big grey streak in your hair!” *panic* “oh no wait, it’s just cat fur.”
@PaMelville Desperately need coffee. I got offered instant. I feel like a vampire caught in a shaft of sunlight.
@GeneralistAlan Work tomorrow, thinking about punching myself in the head in preparation
@Kiwi_Chatter There’s ‘my leg is cramping’ Brad, ‘I need some sugar’ Brad and ‘I’m getting up at 5am tomorrow’ Brad. Your cycling is hurting the family.

Because he was the only one to ask me where TOTM were (three days late!), and because he has nominated more tweets than anyone, ever, I’m going to declare @vinlew our Tweeter of the Month! But because he’s underage, he gets the bragging rights, and has nominated someone else for the cider.

Congrats @SarawrSmile! Make sure you’re following @oldmoutcider so they can DM you 🙂

February 22, 2012February 22, 2012

Words for a memorial: We will get through

A year ago today I wrote:

Words just seem so futile at a time like this. The entire dictionary – even every word ever uttered – can’t describe what’s going on right now.

A nation sits in shock. This isn’t our burden, surely? This isn’t our event? This is what happens in some foreign land, some distant place, to people who aren’t us.

But no, this is our place. This is our event. This is our land.

As a mother hen gathers her chicks in close, so New Zealand gathers its people together. We stand shoulder-to-shoulder with those who have lost everything. We protect those who are weakened. We guard those we have lost.

Nightfall is coming. The rescuers will continue to search, and we will continue to hope. ‘Recovery’ is a word still far too raw to be uttered. Until we have our people back, we will hold fast.

We will get through this.

As I look back on what happened, I can’t help but admire the people of Canterbury. Those who worked selflessly for others. Those who ignored frayed nerves and kept on. Those who had everything taken away – everything but their smiles. Those who made the brave decision to stay. Those who made the brave decision to leave.

I don’t think I’d be overstating the case to say that New Zealand changed as a nation that day. We all took a knock on some level – even those of us who didn’t feel the quakes with our bodies still felt it in our hearts.

We watched on, desperate to help, wanting Cantabrians to know how much we cared. We longed to make things right, but couldn’t really do anything. And as the quakes kept coming, we despaired with those who continued to suffer.

They say these things make you stronger. I agree, but what a fucking painful growth spurt. Almost one you don’t come back from; one you maybe don’t get through in one piece.

But the people of Canterbury did get through it. They will continue to get through it.

And we will all continue to stand with them.

Kia kaha, New Zealand.

February 1, 2012

Best Tweets: January 2012

It’s that time again – here’s January’s Best Kiwi Tweets!

I was made for such a life as this
pikelet I want to be the person who gently brushes minks and collects their hairs to make false eyelashes. I have finally found my career path.
DrJared I’m so radioactive I can’t be near small children or pregnant people for 36hrs. I have a half life of 110min.

Herp derp
TroyRF A WWF collector came to the door. It took me a few seconds to register that it wasn’t a fundraiser for the Ultimate Warrior’s lunch.
Rachel_Smalley So if @newtgingrich becomes US President, he’ll set up a Man Colony on the moon. Excellent. I could think of a few blokes I’d send… 😉
Beady_Eye_Anita I almost choked on a cherry tomato, after I was done choking, I sneezed out parts of the tomato through my nose. Lovely.

Does anyone know if there’s a sale this weekend?
stevebiddle A 30-60% off sale at Briscoes this weekend. Better get in quick, this deal won’t be repeated until next weekend.
SpeelyFreaking JUST STOP IMPORTING TOO MANY RUGS AND VACUUM CLEANERS!
brentrobinsonz Whoa!!! Godfreys has a sale on this weekend!!! :O
AaronM_NZ OMG Godfreys are having an Once Only This Week Annual Sale this weekend! #newbriscoes
TophHooperton What the Bigsave ads don’t show you: after she crashes into that pile of boxes and starts a fire, seven warehouse workers died in the blaze.
guymontgomerynz How trendy is the new Harvey Norman headphones ad when the hand comes in and scratches the vinyl? As a young person that really speaks to me

Kids, eh?
Becs The. Good Thing about being a mum is you can’t wallow too long in self-pity. 2yo woke to ask if I had a ‘gina. Yes I do. Lol.
alronberg That awkward parenting moment when you navigate the learning of the word “firetruck”
ReporterRachel My 3-year-old cousin is very upset with me – he waved at the TV when I was on last night and I didn’t wave back.
rosiecd Oh, forgot to tweet funny moment during dinner, mr 2 farted, & it was long enough to look down & meet each of our eyes with an evil grin.

Twitter, eh?
nzJayZee There have been so many good plans made on twitter today. from beard harvesting to recipes where the ingredient is just shitloads of cheeses
dpfdpf I have no idea who I am or why anyone follows me
_lisasaurus I like to make my tweets 140 characters long so people find it hard to retweet and comment at the same time. monkey banana poop i like pies.

Life, eh?
BitchAboutDevo Low point of this week: Finding a used condom wrapper on the floor in the “teen section” at work. #supre
not_friends I was getting annoyed at Federer and then I remembered that I actually like Nadal just as much and don’t care who wins. Then I found $10.
beekaynz Oh lordy. Drunk on whiskey and Daddy issues.
justjussi i need to lose weight, if human eating aliens invaded they would regard me as a “sometimes” food
BenTorkington Auckland hospital loses psych patient, inadvertently lets him design carpark.
AdageBusiness Not sure what to answer when I’m asked “when you giving up fags?”
BR3NDA Tranzmetro may need to admit they’re a bus company, and sometimes trains replace buses.

There’s no judgement here! Just kidding. There’s heaps of judgement.
monique_nz Am not judgmental or intolerant of such things, but the men wearing last season Karen Walker dresses and heels always make me look twice.
TroyRF The holiday home where we’ve stayed requires guests to leave it as they found it. I must be on “male body hair all over the bathtub” duty.
CyrisXD It’s time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
thelittlepakeha LOL I just farted and Jasper stopped eating and looked up like “what was that?” Sorry, bunny.

Rachel Rayner starts a tribe
The following is a transcript of true tweets.

Walked down to the shops for the exercise. Now at the bus stop with a load of groceries wondering if it was all a mistake.

You know, it probably would have worked out the same, calorie-wise if I stayed home and just ate dried cinnamon for the rest of the week.

Plan: begin a new life at the bus stop. I have supplies & by the time my phone runs out I will’ve tamed a flock of pigeons for food/company.

The bus is now 15 minutes late. A young man appears. Rachel becomes quickly enamoured.

I will make him a romantic dinner of raw chicken and silverbeet, and we will live happily ever after at the bus stop.

Now there are two dudes and a lady at my bus stop. JOIN US. FOR OUR NEW SOCIETY SHALL BE JUST AND FREE.

I bet this how colonisation happens. Pretty soon someone’s going to say, “it’d be quicker to settled a new country & build our own busses.”

A BUS! It’s a Christmas miracle!

Because of her terrible disaster with the bus, I’m going to declare Rachel Rayner our Tweeter of the Month! Congrats, and make sure you’re following @OldMoutCider so they can send you a case of deliciousness 🙂